Live Life...Today; Tomorrow is Promised to No One

By T. R. Shaw Jr.

            Middle Age is a challenge in more ways than one.  The past few weeks have been especially challenging for me as I’ve lost two fraternity brothers who are both my age.

            Tom Hardie was my college roommate and Sigma Chi pledge brother at Central Michigan University.  After college I rarely stayed in touch with him as we went our separate ways.  Quite honestly I lost track of him altogether.  Ironically, I inquired about him at a fraternity gathering about a month ago, and nobody had seen or heard from him in years.  About ten days later, word spread through our networks that he had died.  Apparently, he had a long struggle with muscular dystrophy none of us knew about.  His death was as mysterious as what he did after college, all of us regret not keeping up with him.

Then one morning recently, I received a call from pledge brother Kurt Feight informing me brother Tim Brockman died suddenly this morning.  My heart sank.  Tim Brockman was the type of person who would never slow down, a hard-charger in everything, driven and motivated to be successful, and constantly coping with a great deal of stress like many of us are today trying to stay on top of everything.

Tim was a “Townie” in Mount Pleasant, Michigan and Sigma Chi legacy.  His father was a CMU professor and a Sigma Chi at DePauw University.  Tim, who grew up in the college town was a local entrepreneur and business leader.  He owned a popular college eatery, Max and Emily’s which he modeled after the famous Zingerman’s Deli in Ann Arbor.  As a local alumni he was also the Sigma Chi financial advisor and worked closely with the active chapter and fellow "Townie" Kurt Feight, a childhood friend.  Feight chairs the fraternity's House Corporation. 

We all had lunch a week earlier at his restaurant as we discussed fraternity business.  We were all working on the upcoming 50^th Anniversary of our beloved Sigma Chi chapter.

The walls of Max & Emily’s are adorned with NFL and NBA jerseys from former CMU football and basketball players.  The day we met, a big, burly guy came in and sat down near us and Tim said, “That’s a great place to sit!”  The guy looked up and said, “You bet it is!”  I didn’t recognize him, but it was former Chippewa star and Cincinnati Bengal and San Francisco 49er lineman, Brock Gutierrez who is now retired from the NFL and a regular figure in the Mount Pleasant community.  He sat at the table under his framed jersey.  I eventually made the connection.  Something you don’t see every day…unless you are in a college town! 

Brockman at Max & Emily’s Eatery in Mount Pleasant.  Some of the jerseys

Can be seen in the background. (Courtesy of Mount Pleasant Morning Sun)

I’m the communications chairman and newsletter editor for the fraternity alumni chapter.  Kurt Feight, in a very somber voice called me with the shocking news. I was devastated. He asked me to “put the word out” about his death.  Needless to say, I was shocked and saddened but felt obligated to write up something quick and eloquent for social media before word got out.  I was humbled and honored to do so.

  About a year earlier I wrote an alumni feature story on Tim for our fraternity newsletter.  I really got to know him well and was impressed with what he was doing in the Mount Pleasant community. The story wrote itself.

Tim had started a summer street concert series in front of his restaurant that featured regional artists and raised money for great causes.  Sundays he opened his restaurant for free meals for struggling seniors and the area’s homeless in an organization called “People Helping People.”  He worked hard to earn catering contracts from the university and was a familiar face at nearly every event at the school.

Tim was a great mentor and example for students and fraternity brothers.  He hired a lot of them at his restaurant.  He was inspired to “go big” with his business, but instead followed the mantra of staying small…but great!  He turned down offers to expand his business, preferring instead to “stay local.” 

Unbeknownst to him, he was to be recipient of the Mount Pleasant Chamber’s “Citizen of the Year” award.  The presentation was being kept a secret and would have presented two days after his death.  He will receive it posthumously. 

He was one of those rare leaders everyone wants to see and be like today, but like many of us the price of success is often sacrificing much of your personal well-being.  The food business is tough, really tough.  It requires you to be there all the time and make sure everything is perfect.  It takes a special breed to succeed in any culinary field today.

I spent nearly 30 years in the funeral business before selling my funeral home to pursue new passions.  Many think funeral directors become immune to death and tragedy, we don’t.  We struggle with “having a life” like many in high-level service intensive occupations.

I left the funeral business for many reasons, but among the biggest was the fact that longevity under the stress was not in my DNA.  My great grandfather died at 52, my grandfather at 56, and my dad at 65.  Point is, life is short.  Sometimes you have to look at the big picture and put everything in perspective.  As Steve Harvey said in his most recent book, sometimes we have to JUMP!

I’m in the process of writing a book entitled “DEFY THE IMMEDIATE” which deals with life’s struggles and challenges, based on many of my own.  In the funeral business I grew weary of seeing fellow fifty-somethings on the embalming table.  I came to realize that life is “just too damn short” to not be living your destiny, developing your God-given talents and pursuing your dreams. 

Life is far too short to worry about your finances; to be stuck at a job your heart’s not into just for the paycheck; to be in toxic relationships and generally be miserable.  You have a choice, there is more to life!  It takes courage to see that and do something about it, courage many of us struggle to find.

The recent deaths of brothers Tom and Tim reinforce the fact that every day is a gift from God.  If we are not living every day to fulfill our destiny, then we aren’t living!  We all have talents and if money wasn’t an object what would we be doing?  That’s the question we all have to ask ourselves. 

They say winners never quit, but quitting something you hate for something you love isn’t quitting, it’s living!

What are you waiting for?  Life was meant to be lived, Today!  Tomorrow is promised to no one!

T. R. Shaw Jr. is CEO of Shaw Communication in Battle Creek, Michigan.  He is a former funeral director and Navy public affairs officer, Writer, Columnist, Speaker and Aspiring Author. He blogs at:  The Reluctant R(L)eader at www.read-mor.blogspot.com